Today’s the 25th January, 2007. It is now 14.15. I couldn’t believe I made it through the marathon of pregnancy; I received my reward, YOU. Images of me holding your hands as you walk your very first steps, driving you to school, braiding your hair, waiting for you at the door on Prom Night, kissing you on your Graduation Day, and finally seeing you have a family of your own and your little reward kept me going for the final four hours in the delivery ward. Then alas, I heard you cry. I held you in my arms; your body so frail, skin so delicate and your features- beautiful. I knew the images I had of our future will come to pass. The nurses bathed you and took you for some medical procedures thinking that I would need some rest. Instead, my face was gleaming with joy and I wouldn’t stop staring at the door, waiting for them to bring you back. Thank goodness they did so in time for I was about to storm into the nurses’ office to demand for my baby!
I held you close to my bosom as I watched you sleep. Then there was a knock on the door, it was the doctor. She came in and told me this, “I’m sorry ma’am that you have to hear this; your child has an under developed brain and she will only have a week to live…” My senses went numb and I could no longer hear what the doctor was saying for in my eyes, my baby was perfect. I regained my senses as the first tear drop touched my cheek. The doctor said that your other organs are in perfect condition and with your life; you can save the lives of 7 other babies. I swear that I would have slapped that woman that very moment, “How dare she ask of me the permission to kill my child? Who cares about the other babies? There are so many more babies in the world, why must mine sacrifice???” But I saw tears forming in her eyes. She knew no mother deserved to be asked to take the life of her child for she was a mother herself. However, as a professional, she had to consider the life of the 7 babies. She swallowed her tears and continued, “We can’t wait for a week because her organs will deteriorate as the days go by.” My thoughts turned to groans as I shouted, “GET OUT!!!”
With all the energy I had left in my body, I held you and I stormed out of my room; we’re going HOME! On our way out, we passed the baby ward and at the corner of my eye, I saw 7 babies, each in a box with a maze of tubes surrounding them. I felt a pinch in my heart but nothing was going to stop me; this baby in my hands belongs to ME!
As we reached home, I took you to your room. You didn’t open your eyes but I understood; they were too delicate for light. I didn’t put you in your cot; I couldn’t bear letting go of you! I held you close wherever I went. I changed your diapers and when you made sounds, I fed you with my breast. Oh how I wished time would freeze at that magical moment. I stayed up all night guarding my baby; I struggled for I knew ultimately, there was nothing that I could do to protect you from the Death Angel. Helpless, I prayed…
The next morning after feeding you, I took you for a stroll in the park and took pictures of us. Passer bys told me you were beautiful; in my heart I whispered, “I know”. But the time has come, I took you to the hospital; the corridors never felt colder. I gathered myself as I kissed you goodbye. As I handed you to the doctor, I asked, “Will it hurt?” With assurance in her eyes, she shook her head. I couldn’t hold back any more; tears flushed down my cheeks as I see you cry in the arms of a stranger. The doctor hugged me tightly. With my blurred vision, I watched my baby leave me...
I could have chosen to be bitter and kept you with me even if it was just a week. But then I recalled the moment I passed the baby ward, I realized although the images I had of our future couldn’t come to pass through you, they may come to life through the lives of the 7 babies! With a part of you living in each of them, their mothers would be able to hold their hands as they walk their first steps, drive them to school, braid their hair or bandage their football bruises, wait for them at the door on Prom Night, kiss them on their Graduation Day, and finally see them have their own families and little rewards…
I have no regrets with my decision; I’ve had 24 hours with an angel- YOU. Today’s the 26th of January, 2007; it is now 14.15.
Dot